Man: Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey!! What are you doing?
Police Officer: Uh, what does it look like I’m doing? I’m having your car towed away for parking illegally.
Man: Officer. You can’t do that. That’s not fair.
Police Officer: What do you mean it’s not fair? You parked your car in a no-parking area.
Man: What? What do you mean?
Police Officer: Look, sir. There’s a sign right there that says . . . [Where? Where?] right there! It says, “Tow away zone. No parking between the hours of 7 a.m. through 6 p.m.”
Man: Oh, that one? [Yeah.] Those tree branches are covering it.
Police Officer: Sorry, you’re gonna [going to] have to take that complaint up with the city. It’s . . . I’m just doing my job. I’m just here to uphold the law. Anyway, you can clearly see it once you get out of your car.
Man: But, but . . . my car was only here five minutes. [Sorry.] I had to just run into this building to . . . to drop off some clothing at the homeless shelter. Just trying to help people in need.
Police Officer: Sir. The homeless shelter? It’s six blocks down the road. Anyway, look, here’s your ticket, and the address where you can pick up your car is found on the back.
Man: What? A hundred and fifty dollars? That’s outrageous. I mean, completely ludicrous.
Police Officer: Sorry. Don’t park your car illegally!
Man: So, you mean that you’re gonna [going to] have my car towed away? [Yeah.] And I’m standing right here. [Yeah.] Look. How about two tickets for a lecture on the history of the English language tomorrow night at the library? Anything.
Police Officer: Sir. It’s illegal to bribe an officer.
Man: Wait, wait wait, or how ’bout some coupons for a free burger at that restaurant across the street? [You . . . you’ve gotta be kidding me.] Buy one and get the second one half price.
Police Officer: You know sir, you’d probably better leave now. Have a good day.