Store Clerk: Hi. How can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I’d like to return this sweater for a refund. I bought it a week ago.
Store Clerk: Well, first of all, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, isn’t it obvious by just looking at it? [Hmm . . .] The first time I washed and dried it, the thing shrank at least five sizes. It wouldn’t even fit an emaciated snake.
Store Clerk: Uh, I see what you mean, but did you follow the washing instructions? [Huh?] I think it says here . . . yeah . . . right here on the label to hand wash it and then to dry it on low heat.
Customer: How was I supposed to know that? The label’s written in Chinese! And something else: The stitching is coming undone and the color faded from a nice dark blue to a seaweed green. And, what kind of merchandise are you trying to sell here anyway?
Store Clerk: Listen, sir. We take a lot of pride in our clothing. What I can do is allow you to exchange the sweater for another one.
Customer: I don’t want to exchange it for anything! I just want my money back!
Store Clerk: Well, I can give you credit on your next purchase, [No, no . . .] and since the item you purchased was on clearance [No wonder!], we can’t give you a refund.
Customer: A clearance item! There wasn’t anything on the price tag or on the clothing rack that said anything about that.
Store Clerk: I guess you didn’t read the fine print in our ad. [Wha . . .] Probably can’t read anyway. Look. Here’s the ad, and the information about the clearance sale is right here at the bottom on the back page.
Customer: Where? [Here.] There? What? That small print. You need an electronic microscope to see all those words, and I want to talk to the manager.
Store Clerk: Uh, he’s not here at the moment.
Customer: Look, uh, this is ridiculous.
Store Clerk: And anyway, you can only return items with a receipt within six days, and unfortunately, that was yesterday in your case.
Customer: But, your store was closed yesterday [Sorry.] because of the . . . because of the national holiday. [Sorry.] What a . . . what a rip off. Listen. I give up. Your store policies are completely unreasonable, [Yeah, right.] quality of your merchandise is shoddy at best, [Sure.] and your service, well, is non-existent. [You noticed.] And how do you expect people to shop here?
Store Clerk: You did . . . Ha, ha . . .
Customer: Oh . . . here. Take your sweater. You should open up a pet store and sell it as a dog sweater.