Receptionist: Hello. Jones Detective Agency. How can I help you?
Caller: Yes. I’d like some help on solving a serious mystery at my home.
Receptionist: Okay. What seems to be the problem?
Caller: Well, you see, I think my roommate is eating my homemade chocolate chip cookies behind my back, and he’s just blaming it on some mice around the house and . . .
Receptionist: Yeah. Okay, sir?
Caller: Yeah, and, and, and . . . I’m finding crumbs all around my computer, and, well, just last night, I caught a mouse eating one of my [cookies] . . .
Receptionist: It’s, sir, sorry, I’m sorry, but we don’t work on these types of cases.
Caller: What do you mean?
Receptionist: Sir. This is something you might have to work out with your roommate. [Well, you don’t . . .] Maybe, you can see a counselor to help deal with your issues. And if you actually have mice, maybe, I don’t know. Get a cat?
Caller: WHAT?
Receptionist: Yeah, uh, or you could take up a new hobby, like fishing, instead of baking? Yeah. We don’t have time to catch every cookie thief out there. We have paying clients. Have a nice day.
Caller: [Sigh.]