Tonya: Hey, Phil. Uh. Why the gloomy face? |
Phil: Ah, Sharon and I are calling it quits. We're breaking up. Divorce time. [What?] I need to find a good divorce lawyer.
Tonya: What? Phil You've only been married two months. What's going on?
Phil: You just don't understand. There are just some difference we haven't been able to work out.
Tonya: Well, you've only been married two months. Like what? Things can't be THAT bad.
Phil: Oh, yeah. Yeah, they are, sis. I thought married life was going to be filled with bliss, but things are really terrible right now.
Tonya: Like what? You haven't give me a reason yet for breaking up.
Phil: Well, okay, okay. First of all, she drinks 2% milk and won't switch of non-fat milk. [So what? I do too.] She's always telling me to put the toilet seat . . .
Tonya: Buy two things of milk. Big deal.
Phil: She's always telling me to put the toilet seat down in the bathroom. [Duh . . .] And, and, and, she wears this smelly facial cream. Oh, it's so smelly. And, and she . . .
Tonya: Well, that IS annoying, but so what?
Phil: And, she sometimes fall asleep with the light on. Oh yeah. And get this: she studies English grammar in her free time. [Serious?] Really romantic, right?
Tonya: You know what? So what? It's not a big deal. That's it? Don't you think those are petty reasons for wanting to get a divorce?
Phil: Hey, the movie stars do it all the time. [What?] And, AND AND . . .
Tonya: You wanna (want to) be like them?
Phil: And get this. She gets upset when I call my old girlfriend two or three times a week. I mean . . .
Tonya: WHAT? YOU'RE CALLING YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND?
Phil: Just to say hello. That's all.
Tonya: You shouldn't be calling her! No wonder she's upset.
Phil: And I now only have one picture of my (old) girlfriend in my wallet. I got rid of the other three last week.
Tonya: You're still carrying pictures of your old girlfriend?
Phil: You just don't understand.
Tonya: What is wrong with you? Phil, be quiet and listen, Phil. What is wrong with you? You have a really screwy way of thinking about this. [You don't understand.] Listen, listen, listen. First of all, those character flaws, as you see them, they are just habits, personal habits that aren't bad at all, but YOU a big part of the problem. [WHAT?] Calling your old girlfriend? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? [You don't understand.]
Keeping pictures of your girlfriend? Only having one in your wallet and feeling bad? What is wrong with you, Phil?
Phil: What? I'm just . . .
Tonya: No, listen. Stop thinking of yourself. You're so self-centered. I am ashamed that you are my brother.[I still . . .] What's wrong with you?
Phil: Still, I just need a good divorce lawyer.
Tonya: A divorce lawyer is the last thing you need; maybe she needs one, but you don't.
Phil: Man. Wha . . .?
Tonya: Listen, listen. You just need to grow up. [But. . . ] Save your energy and frustration for real problems. Listen, people get really sick, sometimes people die. When you guys have kids, you're going to have some teenagers coming down the road, and that's pretty scary. You're going to have some financial problems. You haven't see anything yet. I think you guys really need to get some marriage counseling; you've got to work on these problems, Phil.
Phil: Ah. WOMEN!