Beautician: Hi. How can we help you today?
Customer: Yeah. I'd like to get my hair trimmed a little. Nothing fancy. Just a basic trim.
Beautician: Well, can we interest you in today's special?
Customer: Um . . . No . . .
Beautician: We'll shampoo, cut, and style your hair for one unbelievable low price of $9.99 (nine ninety-nine). Plus, we'll give you a clean shave and a back massage to help you relax.
Customer: We'll I don't know. I don't have much time, and . . .
Beautician: Best service in town!
Customer: Okay, I'll have the complete service today, but as I said before, I just want to get my hair trimmed. A little off the top and sides. That's all. I mean, that's all.
Beautician: No problem. Relax. You're in good hands. Okay, here we go. Now, how does this thing work?
Customer: Huh? Wait. You know what you're doing, right?
Beautician: Relax, sir, relax. I've been doing this for ten [cough] [Ten what?] Sit back and relax. So, what do you do for a living?
Customer: I'm a lawyer, specializing in workplace accidents, and I'm in town for an interview for a new job, and . . .
Customer: What do you mean oops. Hey, can I see a mirror?
Beautician: Nothing to worry about, sir. Relax. I'm just making some adjustments to the hair trimmer. There we are. Okay . . .
Customer: Ouch. That hurt. That really hurt! What are you doing?
Beautician: Nothing to worry about, sir. Relax.
Customer: That's what you just said a minute ago, and look at all of my hair on the floor. How much are you really cutting off? And where's a mirror?
Beautician: Oh. And time for the shampoo. Just lean back, and we'll wash your hair away.
Customer: You mean what's left of it?
Beautician: Relax. [Your favorite word . . .] Relax.
Customer: Hey, you got shampoo in my eyes. I can't see. Where's the towel?
Beautician: Relax, sir, relax. I'm almost finished.
Customer: Yeah, just wait til I get finished with you!
Beautician: Okay, now let's dry your hair, put a little styling jell in it, and now style it with a blow dryer, and brush. voila!
Customer: Hey, what happened to my hair? You butchered it! And what's left of my hair turned purple. What kind of prank are you trying to pull here anyway? Are you even a licensed beautician?
Beautician: Well, sir. We offer a money-back guarantee on all our work, so if you're not completely satisfied . . .
Customer: Satisfied? I'm anything but satisfied. I want to talk to the manager . . . now!
Beautician: I'm sorry, but he's on vacation, and he left me in charge, so if you . . .
Customer: How in the world am I supposed to go to my job interview looking like this? Forget it, forget it. Is there anyplace in this town that can give a decent haircut and fix this damage?
Beautician: Well, my brother works next door, and he offers a complete package for . . . .
Customer: I know, nine, ninety-nine. I've had it. Forget I even asked.